Old Pain I’m used to: the tightness in my hips when I don’t stretch in the morning, the pressure where my legs meet my back when I walk too far. It’s not that I don’t feel it; it’s just been there for so long that I know not to get nervous about it anymore. New Pain is where it gets scary because it stops having a name. I can’t immediately catalog it or diagnose it as benign. At best, disability allows you to create a tenuous peace with your body, and anytime it decides to violate that mutual agreement can be terrifying. You take the time to figure it out — what it likes and dislikes, where it functions best — and stick to that routine, until New Pain reminds you that you’re never quite going to have this figured out.
Wow this is a really helpful way to conceptualise this. I always have a hard time with that question, does it hurt? Well yes, but it has hurt the same way for the last 14 years so no, not really? But then if I get a new kind of pain, even if its not that bad, it can make me quite panicky because I don’t know what it is or how to control it.(via thiscouldmakeyouhappy)
basically demanded the ER make me better by Saturday, and they got me to pass my kidney stone! So yay! And I only have to work in the afternoon and Sat AM, so will e able to rest.
Today I was coming home from work and I was so sick I threw up while driving on myself. Then later at work a kid threw up on me. Today has sucked.